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Estaba apurando el último cigarrillo que le quedaba mientras lo acompañaba con un café con una gota de leche, lo justo para clarear un poco la oscura infusión, y una también mínima dosis de azúcar. Comenzaba a despuntar el día aunque el sol no aparecía por ningún lado. Unas nubes espesas y cargadas se habían hecho fuertes en el cielo liberando tanta agua que pareciera un nuevo castigo divino. Mirando por la ventana prácticamente lo único que se apreciaba era una líquida cortina renovada constantemente por lo que estaba cayendo. Era una lluvia triste, gris, desapacible... de esas que no solo mojan el paisaje si no también las almas. Última calada, casi fumándose un filtro sostenido entre sus dedos amarillentos por la nicotina.

Debía comenzar la jornada pese a haber pasado otra noche en vela. Sí, otra, la verdad es que Hacía mucho tiempo que había renunciado al sueño que regalaba la noche, y en su lugar trataba de encontrar respuestas en ese desvelo tan frío como esa lluvia sin amanecer.

Realmente sentía como si el sillón se hubiera fusionado con su cuerpo impidiéndole incorporarse. Un esfuerzo más, mientras emitía un gruñido que salía de sus entrañas, y vuelta a la monotonía de un día más.

Mientras cerraba la puerta y el agua comenzaba a mojarle deseo no volver a abrirla.

En la calle, la gente, entre paraguas oscuros, caminaba apresuradamente buscando huecos para evitar un contacto que detuviera su marcha. Pero él caminaba al mismo paso de siempre, sintiéndose invisible entre las personas, como cada día, y compadeciéndose de su simplicidad porque él sabía que el tren llegaría a la misma hora.

Cuando subió al vagón sintió ese calor húmedo casi nauseabundo, y las miradas furtivas de sus acompañantes viciando aún más el aire. Y uno a uno los examinó mientras ellos se escondían tratando de fijar la atención en algo que evitara comprometerles. Tan sólo una anciana le miró a los ojos. Hacía tiempo que nadie lo hacía. Pobre anciana, quizás sabía que la muerte estaba cerca.

Una voz enlatada anunció la llegada a la estación en la que se bajaba y no sin dificultad se acercó hacia las puertas. Las abrió de manera mecánica, como todos los días , y se encaminó hacia las escaleras que le llevaban a la gris calle rodeado de otro montón de personas que andaban y se movían con el mismo automatismo que él. Y en el trabajo más de lo mismo. El regreso a su casa fue como una imagen especular de la ida al trabajo...lineal, un calco al viaje matinal si no fuera por la más pronunciada ausencia de luz.

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Tanto la había esperado que ahora, al tenerla frente a él, sintió. Hacía mucho tiempo que no lo hacía, pero ni en la mejor de sus fantasías había podido imaginarse que le resultara tan bella. Era inevitable no sentir.

No quiso parecer débil, pero fuera de la angustia que respiraba en su vida ya casi había olvidado esa sensación de emocionarse. No, no era miedo, era casi felicidad.

Un segundo más en silencio. Ella no tenía prisa y podía esperarle pacientemente pues cada noche había oído como la llamaba. Y ya no cabía el arrepentimiento porque él la miraba fijamente a su rostro.

Nunca se cuestionaba esas últimas miradas, simplemente cumplía su misión como cada día, como cada hora, minuto, segundo. Pero se fijo en sus ojos y en ellos se vio así misma, hastiada de la muerte.

No quiso parecer débil, no quiso sentir, no quiso emocionarse.

Rebelándose contra esa sensación se levantó y se dirigió hacia él para darle su beso y poner fin a ese momento que duraba ya mucho.

Al posar sus labios sobre los de él sintió su paz. Todo había terminado.

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Otra vez había soñado despierto con ella y de nuevo le había abandonado en la vida.

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